I spend a lot of time reflecting. I’ve been a mom for a year now and just celebrated my second Mother’s Day, but for some reason, it hardly feels like a special day to me. I’m not really sure why. It could be a handful of things, to include but not limited to the fact that I have a one-year-old that still doesn’t sleep through the night and happens to be going through a growth spurt and thus wakes even more.
Or that my mom passed 2 years ago and therefore I have no one to honor on that day.
Or that sometimes, I’m just in disbelief that I’m a mom. Sometimes it just doesn’t click. How did I get to where I am? Besides the obvious sperm + egg = baby, I sometimes wonder what this phase in life has in store for me.
I see some moms out there taking kids to every activity in the book and while I think we’ll definitely be an active family, I’m not sure that’s where I want us to be.
Then I see the moms who volunteer their time at school, church, PTA, as team mom, etc. and I think about how fun that would be but would I feel complete just doing those activities?
Sometimes I think about the work I do on a daily basis. It’s really good work and I often feel very fulfilled in it, but I watched my mom work 60-70 hour work weeks as a child and I think, ‘do I want to do that to my kids?’
Who knows, right? Who knows where all of the thoughts and reflections will take me. I’m just thinking out loud here.
My family has a lot of amazing things going for them. We’re healthy, we’re happy, we’ve got a roof over our head, and great food on our table. Gas in our cars and clothes on our backs. We truly don’t have much to ask for.
In the last year, I’ve gone back and forth 100 times about what I hope our future will look like. Sometimes I dream of being at home with my kids all the time and then I imagine myself going crazy. Then I think about working full time and I just break down and cry. Where’s the happy medium?
Well, I’ve got a few years to figure that out. It’s a ways away but I enjoy thinking about all of the possibilities.
My husband and I have really lofty financial goals that will allow us to be ‘work optional’ in our early 40s. This means we can work if we want to, but we don’t have to. That’s kind of ideal, but it’s also 10-12 years away so it’s a little daunting.
I want to be the best mom I absolutely can be for my son and any future children. It’s also important to me that I have a great marriage with my husband. Neither of these is an easy feat and require significant intention, but if I can wake up every day (or at least most days) ready to serve, I’ll think I’ll find that fulfillment I’m looking for.
It’s not always going to work out perfectly but I’ll take ‘most of the time’ as a win.
So moms, I know it’s not easy. But you are fabulous. I just want to encourage every mom out there to find what fulfills you most. I know it’s easier said than done, but when you reflect, are you happy? Slow down and do what makes you light up, whatever that looks like for you. Cupcakes for the classroom party or performing brain surgery. Just do it. Be awesome. Be you.
I hope you had a beautiful day, mama. And if, for some reason, you didn’t, please take a day and celebrate that amazing work you’ve done as a mother. You deserve it!