The last few weeks, I’ve had my own self-worth on my mind. I realized that it’s not easy seeing my own value. I often devalue the things I do because society says I’m ‘supposed’ to do them, therefore, it means nothing that I did them.
For example, I get up every morning and I cook breakfast for my family.
Do I do that because I’m a woman? No.
Do I do that because my husband feels only women should cook? No.
I do it because it makes my heart happy. I love cooking for my family. So much so that I feel insecure when my husband eats anything other than what I cooked him for lunch.
I do it because it brings me satisfaction. I feel accomplished by providing for my family in a way that allows them to thrive.
This week on my facebook page, I also started thinking a lot about things that make me vulnerable. One thing is that I crack under pressure. I don’t like being overwhelmed and stressed because I end up crying. Right there, in front of God and everyone.
I remember a few years ago before my mom passed away, I was dealing with her diagnosis in addition to having a long-distance marriage and I was on…the…struggle…bus. Life. Was. Hard!
I approached my lowest-level boss and just broke down. I bawled. In front of a young guy who barely knew me and is just trying to get through his own day without dealing with a mid-twenties, over-emotional woman. I couldn’t take the stress I was under in my military school in addition to my personal stressors.
In the last year, we’ve been blessed with our first baby boy and I’ve been diving head first into my work because of the satisfaction it brings me.
But what if I let my son bring me satisfaction? What if I just relished in his little accomplishments and felt amazing about that? I wondered today, in a meeting with my therapist, what it might be like if I gave up the many projects I take on and just focused on my family and let them bring me the joy I feel from serving at work. What if I am worth more than work says I am?
Today I discovered that I’m addicted to the satisfaction I feel when I serve other people. I love doing things for people. I love projects, I love accomplishments, it’s my high. I’m driven to just take on task after task after task at the expense of those I love the most.
Could I just let myself be happy as I am? Maybe. That might be several years or decades down the road. It’s not impossible but right now, it’s hard. I’m insecure about all sorts of things and I struggle to feel like I’m fulfilling the role that society says I should fill.
It seems so easy to just follow the ‘you do you’ concept but when it comes down to it, it’s not that easy. When I try this, I often feel inadequate, bogged down with stress and anxiety, or not enough.
It’s okay to feel these things. We’re only humans. Many of us are just trying to get through today. But know something, you ARE worth it. You are worth every ounce of live that was breathed into you.
You’re not just a worker, a spouse, mom, dad, son, daughter. You’re you. You’re unique. You have value that no one else can compare to.
Now use that value to inspire others!